Monday, January 14, 2008

Dear little food poisoning causer thingies

Seriously guys! Has anyone ever told you that you have a terrible job, you are most unwelcome and you are actually quite hated and despised????

Who likes having food poisoning on a bloody Friday night? Especially when they have a fantastic weekend planned? You're a bunch of selfish little buggers aren't you? You only think about yourself when you make someone sick. Couldn't just for once have asked permission to give someone food poisoning?

There I was on Friday, minding my own business. Going to the movies with an ex(who is now a good friend), having fun, not being all unhealthy and eating all kinds of fast food crap. I opted to rather have supper at home before I leave, as this will minimize the amount of garbage I eat at the movies. It worked like a charm. Anyway, ex C took me home, we had tea, he went home, I went to bed...and then it happened. You little idiots ambushed me!!!

I'm not a person who falls asleep easily, so as i was lying in bed, trying to reach the high way to dreamland, I suddenly didn't feel all that great. I was overcome by wave after wave of nausea. Now I realise that most people really dislike throwing up, being nauseous etc. Take that dislike and times it by about 10 000....I never throw up! I hate it! My mom always use to say that if I did throw up(maybe a total of 5 times in my lifetime) i had to be really really sick.

So i just lay there in bed trying to control it. But alas! sometimes whatever is in just has to get out. So i did end up in the bathroom. And to my utter disgust it just didn't stop. I couldn't even attempt to get out of the bathroom. At last, to your entertainment i suppose, i ended up fetching a blanket and a pillow and i simply stayed in the loo the whole bloody night! Gosh i really really hate you guys!!! I've never had food poisoning before...but don't you ever dare knocking on my door again you hear!

The really gross thing was, is that as I was sitting there I really couldn't help wondering where all this came from???? I mean seriously, I didn't eat all that much on Friday???? and then I had this flashback to some comedian who did this thing on the stomach when one starts drinking. And then at some point the tequila always shows up...and they're going "we don't want no trouble", and finally a fight breaks out in your stomach and he shouts that everybody has to leave, and then there is this hot dog, that shouts "This is ridiculous....I've been here for 9 years!"
Can anybody help me out as to who the comedian is?? and what that piece is called?

Disgusting as this my sound, I found it quite entertaining at 4am while I was sitting in the loo with blanket and pillow calling George all night. I finally got the courage to creep back to my bed at about 8am...where i finally fell into an exhausted coma while daring you little idiots to make me call George again. I only woke up at about 4, feeling absolutely crap mind you, and thought that i might be dehydrated. I fell into your trap...silly Ruby! so i tried some black rooibos tea. But that didn't work so well and after feeling that George must be getting really tired of me shouting his name the whole time finally fell asleep again.

I suppose in the long run I've shown you guys a thing or two though. Most of my friends stay sick a whole lot longer when they have food poisoning. I'm back at work, and although I'm slightly low on energy, I manage to consume a little bit of food this morning without feeling the need to call for George's help. So eat that you little buggers!

Gosh how i hate you! Please please please, never ever ever come to this house again!!! You'll be really really sorry!!!!!

Ruby

P.S. Consider this my first hate mail

22 comments:

Bridget said...

*gasping*

*short of breath*

*cheeks sore*

I really don't want to laugh at you Rubes, but Gosh this was hilarious.

Glad you're up and about though. It must have sucked eggs to be felled like than by your own inept cooking!

;-)

Ruby said...

well....i'm only glad somebody apart from those filthy buggers found it entertaining......i would have been very upset if they were the only ones laughing

I've been trying to figure out what the hell wasn't quite as it should be with regards to my food....the only thing I can think of is that maybe the expiry date on the salmon pate was wrong??? it's the only out of the ordinary thing I had to eat on friday. the rest of the stuff was fresh veggies.

Thanx hun:)

SonnyVsDan said...

was it just like someone was squeezing you from the inside out like a tube of toothpaste?

Cos that would be gross...funny, but gross.

Nosjunkie said...

shame hunny thats terrible
I am not gonna giggle here Il go somewhere els

wanna come join me bridget?

Bridget said...

mmhhh ---

I think I might, really rude laughing here and all. Taking me and my giggle to lee!

*runs away stifling a snort*

Vimbai said...

Shame hun, hope you feel beter soonish...very entertaining post btw ;-)

Ruby said...

biatches! I suppose i should take it as a compliment...turning something so horrid and gross into something so terribly amusing:)

It's OK girls, you're allowed to stay here and giggle....but straight out laughing at this one ain't allowed!

Oh and update...am feeling much better!! even managed some fresh veggies for lunch.

Sonny - hmm, i suppose it was sort of like that, combined with having a train riding over you repeatedly, while having acid poured all over your insides and a hammer pounding absolutely everywhere......yep, think that should pretty much do it...LOL

Elise said...

You poor thing!

I feel bad for laughing... You don't deserve a sleepless night on the loo. Nobody does!

xx

ps: Immodium is supposed to be good for it. It says so on the advert.. I suppose advice is useless now isn't it?

Ruby said...

elise...lucky for me i wasn't actually on the loo, just in front of it:) and i think immodium only works for diaoree(crap, i have no idea how to spell that, no pun intended)......luckily that wasn't the problem....only puking.

But thanx for trying hun...i appreciate it!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh. Dear. God! You poor soul! I have never EVER understood why people go bullimic. I shuddered throughout your blog!
Hope you're all good now!

I missed ya by the way (Awww sweeeet!!) ha ha!

Nice to catch up on your blogs!!

Ruby said...

yay!! blondie's back!!! we missed you too hun;-)

yep...almost all better! sorry...i tried to make it as grossless as possible.

Natalie said...

I am so sorry you were so ill Rubes. It sound awful. That sucks being sick on the weekend, would have been somehow better if yo9u got sick on a Tuesday...LOL. Hope you 100's now though!

Sheena Gates said...

Oh yuck!

Hope you are feeling better sweetcheeks!

High in Dubai said...

Shame ruby - that totally sucks... I had that comedian's thing on my phone but have lost it to that place that lost megabytes go...

It was hilarious though, the comedian, not your pain!

KaB said...

Naff...alas...you are better! You should try alcohol poisoning...that's just the cherry on top of what you went through! Never drink Jaegies...haiwenna!

Glad you're feeling better & sorry that your weekend was wasted away! Not cool I tell you...not cool!

Ruby said...

Nats & Sheena - Thanx guys....today i'm 100% on top of my game...and i even managed some excercise last night

High - At last!!!!! somebody who knows what the hell i'm talking about:) didn't you just adore that piece???? and don't you just hate that place where lost megabytes go to?

KaB - No thanx...i think i'll pass. My friend had alcohol poisening and she almost died....so i'm a bit wary of that one.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

are you sure you're not pregnant?
those were all my symptoms and i also thought food poisoning. and then, alas, nine months later a bebe!!

Ruby said...

*gasping for air*
*reaching for cigarette*
*realisation striking that i've never smoked in my life*

gosh girl! do you wanna give me a bloody heart attack??????

But no, it's def not a surprise package.....it's food poisoning, and unless there is some evil at work here there is absolutely no way that i could be pregnant.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

just checking....:)

Kerryn said...

Sorry you aren't feeling well.

What is your e-mail addy, I will send the "Story about drinking".

Or drop me a line at
kerrynmail at gmail dot com
and I will send it to you.

Hope you are now feeling better :-)

Ruby said...

La! Today you are my hero for finding it!!!!!!

I'll send you an e-mail....thank you!!!! oh, and welcome!

ChewTheCud said...

The dudes name was Jim Breuer and the skit was drinking is like a party and your stomach is the bouncer. Link here!