Friday, November 26, 2010

Dear Ruby

Sometimes you can be such a silly girl! I started this post as my standard 'dear readers' post, but then i realised that i already did one of those this week...and i don't really want to bore my readers. So instead I've decided to write myself a little note and a bit of a reprimand for being silly.

Today I'm having an insecure day *sigh*.  To be honest...i can't complain.  I don't have these often.  But today is just one of those days where i feel insecure.  And the fact that i KNOW it is both stupid and unreasonable just makes me feel irritated with myself. 

I've taken the 'If i can't see it, it can't see me' approach...which pretty much means I'm ignoring my stupidity and living the day as if it doesn't exist....the problem with this approach is that it isn't a very successful one. The insecurity is still there...glaring at me...pfffffft!

What exactly am i insecure about? I don't know.  I'm just feeling generally unsure of myself.  Maybe it relates to the harsh realisation I had this morning when i woke up.  My life is about to undergo a very big change in the next 4 months or so.  I plan on moving jobs.  Where will I work? Will I stay in JHB? Will other things in my life work out the way i want them to? Then there is also my sometimes cynical and 'conspiracy theory based' outlook on life.  What if everything blows up in my face? What if none of this is real? So many what if, and where's and when's and what's.  It's left my head spinning just a bit and most probably led to my bout of insecurity with regards to EVERYTHING today.

So, my dear and darling Ruby.  Snap out of it! And with that I mean right now! The future is looking bright and exciting.  And yes, i realise that you don't know exactly what will be happening in the next couple of months...but this only means that the future is filled with endless possibility.    Also, the whole world is NOT conspiring against you.  The people who take time to listen, spend time, show you that they care and tell you this really DO care.  They're not all about to turn on you and laugh at you for being silly enough to trust them, or for sharing your dreams with them.  They wouldn't go out of their way just to hurt you....and if they do this is more the exception than the rule.

Funny thing is...I've had a really good day so far.  I'm not feeling down or scared or unhappy or anything of the sort.  I'm in a happy and silly mood....there is just this tiny little jackal of a feeling gnawing at my ankles and it is irritating me.    Maybe just actually saying it out loud instead of ignoring it will give me power over it.  In fact, I'm convinced of this.

I'm a very blessed little girl, and i plan on reminding myself of this all the time.  I have a bright future ahead of me and a close circle of people around me that love me and care for me and only want the best for me:)  Insecurities...pfffffft! what are those! *take THAT stupid irrational feeling*


Update: writing this earlier and actually figuring out WHY i was being all stupid actually helped:) feeling MUCH better now:) Yay for the therapy writing brings:)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

My dearest brother and sister-in-law

Happy Thanksgiving!  Hope you have a truly awesome day and that your thanksgiving day feast is memorable....I'm also hoping you guys get to play loads of shuffle board today (if the weather permits):)

I figured since we can't be there to celebrate this day of thanksgiving with you I'd do a post with a list of things that I'm grateful for.  So here goes:)

I'm thankful for:
........having people in my life to love and being loved in return.
........a family that truly has my back at all times.
........awesome friends:) new home! I can't believe it took me 5 and a half years to move closer to work...My life has changed completely.  Also, because the new home doesn't have damp problems I'm not sick all the time.  Haven't had bronchitis or pneumonia since moving.
........the fact that my masters degree is now done and dusted.  Now i just have to continue to wait until the results come out.
........having people in my life who really really care for me.  Who would do anything for me.
........being so close to someone that you experience their presence even when they aren't with you.
........a God who loves me. juice! you have no idea how much i adore apple juice:) I always have some in my fridge. iPad and iPhone...yes, this sounds ridiculous and insanely superficial.  It's OK...i can deal with that. They've made my life so much easier, efficient and entertaining.
........having a job and surviving.  I've met too many people this year who really suffer financially.  People who want to work and don't have jobs.
........second chances.  None of us deserve them, but they are the most amazing things when given to someone who really wants to make a difference. opportunities and an exciting future.
.........good music:) It's the thing that keeps my soul alive.
.........certain things happening in certain parts of my life.
.........risks that were taken and the amazing returns because of it.

I think that the point I'm trying to make is that even when we go through tough times, and even when we are whiny and difficult and sad.  Or when we're happy and excited about life....there is always a lot that we can give thanks for. 

I love you, and I miss you both so very much! Can't wait for the little visit in just over a month.

Much love

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dear Readers

So it's time for one of my favourite regular blog entries:)  I'll finish a couple of sentences and then you can finish them in my comments section.

I learned.....that there are instances in life when you experience such infinite happiness that your heart becomes so full it feels as if it might burst!

There comes a life, relationships, friendships, work and all other segments of our lives when you need to realize you're flogging a dead horse. 

Choosing to stop........ does not always constitute quitting.

Spending time with good therapy. a choice.


And off you go my you go and complete the sentences:)


P.S.  Don't forget about my pet project....keep sending me those secrets!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dear stranger in the night

Last night I wasn't feeling all too well.  Actually, I'm still not feeling too great.  My throat and ears hurt and are swollen and i just feel tired and run down.  More than anything i wanted to have a relatively early night (in my books that means getting to bed before midnight).  So i took my meds and timed it right that i would be extremely sleepy no later than 11pm.

For once i fell asleep immediately! you have to understand...being an insomniac this rarely happens...even when taking medicine.  Generally I don't switch my cell phone off at night.  The reason for this is that I'm always petrified that there would be an emergency or something would happen and someone might need me and then I won't be available.  So my phone is always on.  Also, an sms notification doesn't wake me, a phone call however does. It's the perfect arrangement really.

Then last night at 12:45AM my phone started ringing....still being very much asleep i didn't even bother looking at who was calling, i just answered, my heart beating a mile a minute.  I mean, why else would your phone ring at 12:45AM...something had to be wrong somewhere right? WRONG! It was you. The conversation that followed went something like this:
Sleepy Ruby : Hello?
Stranger : Hello.  Eish....Who are you?
Slightly more awake Ruby : What?
Stranger : Who am i talking to?
Slightly annoyed Ruby : Why would you ask that? You called the number...who the hell are you and who are you looking for????
Stranger : eh...I'm looking for you
Highly annoyed ruby : Bulldust! a second ago you didn't even know who you were talking to.  Listen here's quarter to 1 in the MORNING! Who the hell calls people at that time? Stupid people...that's who! Screw you dude!
*Ruby puts down the phone and switches it to silent mode*

Then this morning when i recalled the incident I wasn't quite sure if i was dreaming or if it was real.  So I checked my phone.  Ohmigosh! 34 missed calls....34...I kid you NOT! From your number.  For one of them you actually left a voice mail...livid because i had called you stupid and asking me who the hell i thought i was for saying you're stupid.  Dude! 12:45 AM and 34 missed calls later to a person you don't even know...what the hell??

Needless to say I didn't sleep very well.  Once i get awakened like that i really battle to fall asleep again, and even when i do it is broken and disturbed.  I was NOT a happy ruby this morning.

Next time i suggest you block your number if you want to do something like this.  I have your number, and I'm still contemplating putting it on twitter and begging all the world to give you random calls at all hours of the night.  34 missed calls *shakes head*  I suppose it takes all sorts to make up the world.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Dear Matrics of 2000

So the big day finally arrived on Saturday...our 10 year reunion.  The weeks building up to this event have been filled with excitement, annoyance, stress and eagerness for me and JG who were organizing the event.  At first everyone was keen to attend, in fact they were mumbling and grumbling because up until the point of us organizing something nobody had even attempted to organize a reunion.

Then, as the RSVP deadline loomed closer everybody went dead quiet.  I had to send about a million reminders.  Then of course there were the people who only RSVP'd after the deadline, the ones who begged and pleaded with me to come even though they can only pay at a date after the actual reunion.  Eventually I agreed to let the one girl and her date come even though she wouldn't be able to pay before the 19th.  I would live to regret this decision.  The budget was carefully planned for the people who were coming, we didn't have any spare money, but there was enough for everyone.  Then this girl who didn't pay didn't pitch and now she's refusing to pay...even though i already spent the money on them.  To say i was extremely ticked off would be an understatement.

Anyway, back to the more pleasant memories of the weekend.  Not many people attended, but the ones that did really wanted to be there.  We had so much fun, catching up, talking nonsense, laughing a mile a minute and sharing good food.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that people do eventually grow up and change for the better and find that place where they are supposed to be.  Seeing this in my old school friends really made me smile.  It was a happy moment and a happy realisation.

My one friend brought her little girl along..she was too gorgeous and stole every body's hearts...including mine.  She spent the largest part of the evening with me, playing games, eating with me and just sitting on my lap.  If i ever have children i hope they are as chilled and easy going as that little girl!

Thank you for a wonderful day and a fun filled was awesome to catch up with everyone.


P.S. I've attached a couple of random snapshots...sadly i didn't get pics of everyone who attended and obviously i couldn't post all the pics here....but here are a couple:)

P.P.S. Don't forget about my secret pet project! please remember to keep sending me your secrets!!!!

Ladies and gentleman, I present your entertainment for the evening:P Not really, but AH was definitely having a good night:) adorable is this child??? This is not her dad's JG, the old head boy

That would be me, paying attention to something that somebody was saying....or maybe just wondering what the hell they were on about.

*Snort* no comment!

These are the parents of the gorgeous little girl with number 2 on the way....i think he was trying to talk to his future son after having one too many

JG and his gorgeous wife:)

Mommy to be and our very own National angler.....yup, a girl that loves fishing..she actually has springbok colours.

My good friend Joe:) One of the few people i still have a lot of contact with.

Our resident trouble maker who seems to have calmed down quite a bit since becoming a daddy

She was pulling a face at the adorable:)

Joe and posers

Mommmeeeee, I'm tired i wanna go hooooooome!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Dear old schoolfriend

*sigh* I have no words...really.  I've been increasingly annoyed with the fact that i had to organize the reunion...but today you managed to step on my very last nerve.  To give you some background...the official reunion invite contained (very clearly in fact) the date, the time, the venue, the costs involved.

Then today i get a call from you.....the conversation went as follows:

Old Schoolfriend(OS): Hey Ruby! How are you?
Ruby: Oh hi Old Schoolfriend...I'm all good thanks, how's you?
OS: I'm good...looking forward to Saturday and stuff.
Ruby: Ja, me too...It's going to be really cool to see everyone again.
OS: About the reunion, I'd just like to check one or two things with you.
Ruby: Oh sure, no problem.  What's up? (Please my courage fails me...I've had a whole range of stupid questions the last couple of weeks...i was expecting another)
OS:  I've got the invite open on the computer and I just wanted to know if any of the arrangements changed?
Ruby:  Nope, everything stays exactly the same where arrangements are concerned.  The only thing that changed is the food...but you don't have to worry about it.
OS: OK I'm wondering...what time is the reunion?
Ruby: *thinks....WHAT THE're looking at the invite* Do you have the invite in front of you?
OS: Yes
Ruby: What does it say?
OS: It says it's three o'clock
Ruby: so which part of 'none of the arrangements have changed' didn't you understand?
OS: So what are you telling's not at 3?
Ruby: *sighing audibly* it's at 3.

Now do you understand why I'm convinced all the stupid people in the world are ganging up on me this week?


Friday, November 5, 2010

Dear Miss Molly

So a while ago i won a competition on Being Brazen's blog.  The prize was a beautiful clutch bag and a brooch from you

Well, they finally came!!! *super excited* Can i just packaged it so beautifully i was almost sad to unwrap it:)  Thank you so much once again Miss Molly and Being Brazen!!!!
How absolutely gorgeous is this packaging??

Thanx ladies:)


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Ruby's secrets

It's finally here!!! The first monthly post for Ruby's secret.  Thank you so much to everyone who sent in secrets...and I'd like to encourage you to keep sending the secrets to  with the subject line 'Ruby's Secrets'.

After much consideration i decided to post 9 secrets per blog post.  So, for those of you that e-mailed a secret but don't see it on this post...keep your eyes open in the next one:)

Flowers for no reason

I wish I could tell the world

I'm getting married:)
You're the reason i stopped dancing
(Personally i find this one incredibly all know my views and love of dancing)

Virgin girl
Most beautiful woman in the world
Take the risk....I'm worth it

So my lovelies...there you have it..the first instalment of Ruby's secrets:) Keep them coming!


P.S.  Credit for the original idea goes to PostSecret

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Dear readers

So it's time for one of my favourite regular blog entries:)  I'll finish a couple of sentences and then you can finish them in my comments section.

People....will believe what they want to believe and no matter what you say you won't be able to convince them otherwise

It's better to....sort issues out directly....hashing, rehashing and indirect methods are bound to end in bigger issues

Sometimes....spending a Sunday morning in the sun having a picnic with people who make you laugh is worth offering up some study time.  I was way more productive afterwards anyway:) not always fun but it's an amazing way to clear your head

Currently listening to.......The Def Leppard

I've learned.......that being patient is the best way to deal with a lot of things

There are times....when all you need to soothe your soul is good company

Now off you go my lovelies.  Your turn:)


P.S. Don't forget about my little pet project.  Please send me your secrets:)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Dear Employer

I'd like THIS job please:) I assure you I'm fully qualified...I'm female and i genuinely adore chocolate.  Please hire my...I'll be the bestest estest employee EVER!

Dear Ghost of weekend past

I feel like! what an action packed weekend...but actually it wasn't, and to be honest, it's one of the best weekends I've had in a long time:)

As most of you know by now i wrote my final big exam for my masters on Friday morning.  To say that i was stressed would be a complete and utter understatement.  I don't think I've ever been this nervous and stressed before an exam.  It's what I've been working towards for 2's scary.  The fact that i learnt last week that they were having issues with assignments i had submitted which they insist they didn't get and were therefore giving me zero did NOT help my stress levels.  The admin lady phoning me on Friday morning and telling me she doesn't think they'll be able to help me sent stress levels into overdrive.  But being level headed me i figured I'd worry about that after the exam....first things first.  Exam, then stress about the missing assignments.

I can't actually tell you if it went well or not.  It's all interpretive and argumentative and there is no black or white answer to the I'll have to wait and see how it goes.  Let's just say i didn't feel like committing suicide by the time i was done...that's a good start right?  Friday night was spent having a celebration dinner a very good friend.  It was finally over....2 years of working myself half to death was finally over, regardless of what the results look like....definitely something worth celebrating:)

Saturday morning i woke up with a start at 7:20am...*sigh* i better get up and study.  And then it hit me...i didn't have to.  I had nothing i HAD to do. I'm actually going to have a life again.  After 2 years this is definitely a life change.  I decided to spend the morning lying around and reading...something i haven't been able to do in a very long time.  Saturday afternoon was spent with the GirlGuides crew at Moyo Zoolake ...much fun was had:)  I expected to spend the evening quietly at home, but ended up going for a charming dinner at the Attic with a friend....surprise surprise...turns out that's exactly what i needed:)

Sunday was a super lazy and super awesome day.  Lunch with the replacements followed by an unexpected and content afternoon strolling around the mall with awesome company.  Right now I'd like to mention that life can be pretty sweet sometimes:)

So, ghost of weekend past, please pay attention and ensure that i have plenty more of these weekends in the near future:)  Also, can everybody please hold thumbs that it went really well with my exams:)