Dear Hometown

I haven't been here in quite some time....but man is it nice to be back:) To escape the hustle and bustle of the city for a week tranquility, even if I have to work and even though i have to spend my evenings working on assignments, is heaven.

I'm convinced this is one of the most beautiful areas in the whole wide world.  This is where i grew up, and there is a peacefulness that envelopes my soul when I'm here:) Another awesome thing about this week is that i get to spend it with the parentals:)  Sure, i don't get to see them a lot, because of work and assignments...but just knowing they're here and being able to have coffee and supper with them makes me happy:)  They are such an important part of my world, that every minute i get to spend with them is a blessing:)  And great was my surprise when i arrived here on Sunday to find my gran visiting my folks.....double pleasure for me:)

I love coming here...so beautiful, so quiet, so cold and so peaceful:)

Love

Ruby
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Dear Weekend

The next couple of days are going to be quite tough for me and I would appreciate it if you could extend yourself slightly and make the earth rotate slower so that i can in fact have more time all together.  See, here's the thing.

At 2 o'clock today i need to leave my office in order to go the offices of my new, far away, client's previous auditors.  I then need to rush through their previous year audit file in order to ensure that they did their job correctly.  Please note that we have been in communication with them for the past month and I've been given the run around and been avoided and ignored for most of those, and only managed to get the appointment for today because I finally lost my cool over the phone.  The 2 hours which they are allowing me to see the file isn't nearly enough for the amount of work to be done...this is the first time I'll need you to go by slower.

After this disastrous meeting at 2:30 I will hopefully head over to my new apartment *excitedness*, and collect my key.  Then I'll be heading off to meet Philly_girl and G for dinner and Grease at Monte.  Then I'm heading home to finish packing for the big move tomorrow.  At the moment I'm of the opinion i probably won't have even a minute of sleep this evening...as there is still plenty to be done before tomorrow morning at 8.

Tomorrow morning is the big MOVE....so much of excitedness :)  Hopefully I'll be able to spend the afternoon unpacking some of my stuff, after which i shall head to Philly_girl for her birthday dinner..yayness!!! And for a change i won't have to drive far as my new place is not too far away from her :)

Then on Sunday morning I need to pack for the week that I'll be away for this new client, head off to the office to prepare the file for the away audit, and then at 1 I'll be heading off to the beauty that is my hometown.  Where I will spend the week slaving away on an insane deadline, working on insane assignments that have to be in the following weekend and hopefully somewhere in between get to spend some time with the parentals.  The sad part is I won't even have time to unpack or really enjoy my new home before having to leave for a week....the exciting part is that i will get to see my mommy and daddy, even though I'll be very busy.

So please dear weekend...if it is at all possible...can you stretch yourself out a little bit and be kind to little old Ruby??

Love
Ruby
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Dear Baby Cuz

Happy happy birthday honey!!!! Hope you have the most amazing day and that the years ahead will be filled with blessings and love and too many incredible things to list.

I can't believe you're turning 14 already! The other day you were just a baby.....hell, when i moved to jhb you were only 8 years old....it's insane! You and your 3 sisters have become like the 3 younger sisters i never had....and I'm still amazed when i realise you guys look up to me in life.  It scares me sometimes.

You're growing into a beautiful and amazing young woman, filled with dreams and ideals and a passion to be something unique in this world.  Don't ever lose that:)

I love you so very much sweetie!

Love
Ruby

On being disappointed in yourself

So today is NOT a letter...as you can see.  I didn't feel like addressing the post to anyone as I would have had to address it to myself, which would just make me feel worse than i already am.  So it's a post, an honest one and one that i didn't especially enjoy writing....but it's good.  It's important to be honest with yourself from time to time.

You know those moments in life when you suddenly stop and look in the mirror, so to speak, and see changes in yourself? Yesterday was one of those moments.  It wasn't planned, it wasn't expected and to be honest it wasn't very enjoyable either.  Because i looked at myself and I saw that there were things about me that were beginning to change...some of them were good and provided proof that I'm growing as a person, but some were downright disappointing.

I had to be honest with myself and admit that I did not like what I saw.  The only relief I found was in the fact that these changes have as yet not affected anyone else but me.  I haven't started lying, or purposefully hurting people, nor have I left behind any of the things I stand for in life. In fact, i think if i had to explain what exactly was bothering me to most people they would laugh and point out that they don't understand what I'm disappointed about. But somewhere in the last couple of weeks I've started losing a part of who I am.  Things that make me who I am, that shape my character and my personality and form part of the person that my friends love and care for.

And for what am I losing these things? I have NO idea.  I can't quite put my finger on when it started or the reason for it.  All I know is it stops NOW.  I can quite clearly see where i will end up if I allow these changes in me to take place, and I don't like what i see.  So I refuse to let it happen. 

I've been a bit of an emotional wreck the last couple of weeks and I've been blaming a myriad of things for this.  And yes, I have been taking severe strain with the fact that i was in a position where i had to move and didn't have a place to move to. And moving in itself is a pretty stressful thing.  But in retrospect i think my emotional roller coaster had way more to do with me being unhappy with myself than anything else, and it's just so much easier to blame other things rather than yourself.

I'm disappointed in myself for allowing myself to make compromises that I would never normally make.  I don't deal well with disappointing people, even more so when I'm the one i disappointed.  I'm grateful for the fact that the subtle changes which have only started very recently have mostly  been internal/emotional of nature and as yet have not affected my outward behaviour.  Not that it makes me feel better about the situation, but it serves as a little bit of a comfort.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure a number of people are quite confused at the moment and have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.  I'm sorry bout the cryptic nature of the post, but the fact is, if nobody has noticed the changes and they don't know what I'm talking about it proves I'm right in saying that the changes are currently internal of nature and I can therefore stop them from taking place before it affects anybody else but me.

Even though having to face being a disappointment to yourself is never a 'nice' experience, I'm kinda grateful that I was forced to face reality yesterday.  It helped me to see something which could potentially be a problem and fix it.  Most ironic part of all of this........facing my demons yesterday had an immediate affect on my emotional state.  Am back to being my normal, calm, happy and sunshiny self. 

Rubyshoes is back y'all!

Dear readers

As per a previous post I've done, inspired by Being Brazen, I will answer a few random questions, then you will also answer them in my comments section.  I had so much fun doing the last one, and you guys participated so nicely I figured i would do another one:)

Today I....realised how incredibly blessed I am

I wish....I could wave around a little magic wand and get rid of all the heartache that touches the lives of the people that are special to me

Life....is actually quite simple, it is we who make it complicated.

Song currently stuck in my head.....'Sabra girl' by Nickle Creek...so beautiful

People...are all strange and that is why i find them so intriguing

Kisses....are special and should be cherished by those that receive them

Yesterday......i took an aimless drive to absolutely nowhere to clear my head...and yes, after last week it def needed clearing.  I drove forever without any direction....finally stopped with only veld and mountains around me...Deep down i'm the ultimate nature girl....I returned hours later feeling like a new person.  Life truly is good:)

Now....i KNOW you want to participate...so off you go my lovelies:)

Love
Ruby
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Dear Postsecret

I have been visiting your site religiously every week for the last 5 years.  I love looking at the postcards on your site.  Some of them break my heart, others make me feel like i wish i could reach out and touch someone, then there are those i can totally relate to, and finally the ones that just bring a huge ass smile to my face.

Ever since I've started visiting your site, I've also been saving some of my favourite ones onto my computer.  Recently i rediscovered some of the older ones and I decided to put some of them up here.  I love your site, and i think your initiative so many years ago was incredible.

Love

Ruby
P.S. 4 of these may as well have been written by me......have fun guessing which ones:)

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Dear Ruby

Wow! what an insane morning....and insane relates to everything about it...not just the amount of work that had to be completed by lunch time. 

This morning I've been up and down an insane emotional roller coaster, teetering on the brink of what i can now call a bit of an emotional meltdown, which finally ended in a flood of tears in the bathroom.  Now let the record reflect, I don't often cry....I've only cried at work twice before...both of those were for valid reasons, bursting into uncontrollable tears for no apparent reason at work is not really my style. 

That being said, sometimes having a good cry is the best medicine in the world.  It serves as an outlet for bottled up emotions and stresses that we don't always realise we have.  For me....crying and admitting that I was emotionally tired and shattered was a good thing.  I'm feeling a million times better, have a genuine smile on my face and it feels like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I've decided to make a list of things that i noticed/learned this morning.  A list i can keep and use to remind myself when i need some reminding.

1.  My eyes go insanely green when I've cried.  Yes, i realise this is totally random and unimportant and i really don't need to remember this point...but i observed it today for the first time.  Some form of beauty in the pain or something i guess.
2.  Being there for friends is very important, but you need to remember that all the energy they sap from you needs to be replaced and the emotional turmoil you absorb needs to find an outlet in your mind....if you don't work through this stuff regularly they do result in little melt downs like this morning
3.  I have an amazing boss.....Upon seeing my teary eyes earlier he gave me a hug and asked if i was OK...he then had the decency to accept my teary smile and nod and go on with our meeting as if having red eyes just happen to be the latest fashion accessory
4.  My best friends are the most awesome beings in the whole entire world.  They love and accept me for who I am.  And regardless of what nonsense may spout forth from my mouth, they just take it all in stride.  Thank you:)
5.  A simple one word sms like, *hugs*, from a friend can have a huge impact on how you're feeling.
6.  I do believe parents are waaaay underrated.  Mine are the absolute best...and a long talk with mommy letters after said melt down did me the world of good.
7.  Try and avoid putting yourself into stressful situations, such as having to move out of your current home by the end of the month while still not having anywhere to go.  That being said....I'm viewing a place that sounds lovely after work today....please please please hold thumbs and pray that it's awesome:)
8.  Bottling up emotions really isn't the wisest course of action....ever.
9.  You need to accept that you can't fix everything.  You can't feed all the hungry people, you can't help every abandoned child, you can't take away the heartache that friends are experiencing....all you can do is be there. 
10.  There are times when my faith and hope are the only things i have to hold on to....I'm grateful for both of these
11.  It's OK to have little meltdowns every now and again, just don't make a habit of it OK?

Anyhoodle...i just wanted to remind you.....You're loved and cared for, and if you're wearing your rubyshoes you can accomplish anything.  Chin up:)

Love

The practical Ruby
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Dear Girls

So a friend of mine sent this little gem to me:)  I realise that many of you may already have received it via e-mail or otherwise, but it is so cute that i just couldn't resist.

In preparation for the World Cup, the 'offside rule' explained in a language that non sport orientated women can understand:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.  Behind the shop assistant on the till is a a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you MUST have.....(as one does) The female shopper in front of you has seen them too and is eyeing them with desire.  Both of you have forgotten your purses (shock horror! that never happens...i can see a male person wrote this...who forgets a purse if you're going to a shoe store???).  It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.  She prepares to throw her purse to you.  If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.  At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and 'whilst it is in flight' you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has actually been thrown it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE.

Well girls, I hope this helps you a little:)

Love

Ruby
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Dear Mister Bossman

The last couple of weeks I've been going through a very weird time in my life.  The strangest thing is, i didn't even realise I was going through this weird time until i starting snapping out of it.  Oh sure, i was aware that things weren't as they should be, but i couldn't really put my finger on it until it started setting itself straight again.

Now you may wonder why on earth I'm sending you this letter.  Well, the fact of the matter is, this weirdness I've been going through related purely to my work and my studies for some reason.  I've always been very passionate about my job and my studies.  I've loved it ever since i started, and I've always given my 1000%, my time, my strength, my concentration and everything i had to complete my tasks for both work and studies.

The last couple of weeks I've been so detached from it all.  I didn't want to work and i certainly didn't want to work on my studies.  Sure, i reached all my deadlines and my work was always satisfactory...but for someone who generally loves her job..doing a job because you have to is pure hell.  I've always been one of those people that a lot of other people hate because I'm all chipper about going to work in the morning.  But of late, well, I've been doing just enough to do everything satisfactory....totally unlike me.

You'll be glad to know that I'm starting to snap out of it.  Starting today:)  Sure, i realise I'm on sick leave, but i was all inspired today...so even though i was at home I've done a lot...and I'm sure tomorrow when i come to work you'll be pleased with the progress made:)  For you, me snapping out of this pretty much means that my work will not only be satisfactory, but it will be done with a smile, with my normal passion and 1 000% dedication. 

I've missed passionate me....and I'm really glad to have me back:)

Regards

Ruby

Dear Readers

Today I've decided to write a letter to ALL of you using a post inspired by the 'it's for you' posts that Being Brazen always do.

How it always works: I will answer a few random questions, then you will also answer them in my comments section.  I hope you'll all have fun participating:)

Today I......decided to trust someone with a little piece of who i am
Last night.....I dreamt that my best friend died in a car accident.  I woke up hysterical and crying and ended up feeling very much uneasy until i received a message from him during the course of the morning.
Right now....I am listening to Nickle Creek (totally awesome band) and writing a blog post.
I would be lying if....I said that i wasn't maybe, sorta, kinda crushing on a boy person a little.
I love....salsa:)
I wish....i wouldn't be so hard on myself when i screw up....people make mistakes...it's normal
Thought for the day......happiness is more important than a lot of things
Song currently stuck in your head......Empire state of mind by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z

Hope you all enjoy answering my questions:)

Love

Ruby

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