Friday, August 29, 2008

Dear AK

Ok, so you did this food meme a while back on your blog a while ago.....and it sort of got stuck in my mind because i've eaten a number of really odd things in my life. So friendster, even though you were kind enough not to tag me, because i hate memes, I will do it anyway.....hurray hurray another meme done via a letter:)

Now, if I understood the instructions correctly I'm supposed to
1. Bold the ones I've had
2. Strike through the ones that would make my great-grand kids gag from the after taste.
3. Italicise potential delicacies....stuff that would go down with a double shot of tequila.

Unfortunately we have a slight problem. After bugging you on msn to find out how on earth I'm supposed to strike through stuff on blogger, and finding out that you cheated when you did the post to begin with, i decided to change the rules ever so slightly. So, the Ruby instructions are as follows:
1. Bold the ones I've had
2. Italicise the ones that would make my great-grand kids gag from the after taste
3. Everything else will go down well with a double shot of tequila.....even the italicised ones..ha!

Ok friendster, here goes nothing..........

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea

3. Huevos Rancheros – fried eggs on corn chips, served with salsa...sounds like a
breakfast nacho - erm OK, officialy I've never ordered this, but i suspect I might have eaten
something like it
4. Steak tartare – raw mince meat....blegh
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding – sausage made from blood
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht – beet soup with beef....could work
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho – Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup

13. PB & J sarmie
14. Aloo gobi – potato and cauliflower curry type thingy
15. Hot dog from street cart – NYC here I come!
16. Epoisses – French cheese
17. Black truffle – black, underground mushroom
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns – Thai Pork Dumplings, basically
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes – Not that i'm aware of
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans - anyone ever have jumping jack???
25. Brawn or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas – if my great grandchildren are anything like me they won't only gag.....
they'll die!!!!!
32. Clam chowder in sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi – it’s like salty Yogi-Sip
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea – I’m gagging!!
38. Vodka jelly - for the afrikaans people - wie kom saam my robotjie speel?????
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects – Mopani worms
43. Phaal – it’s just curry
44. Goat’s milk in cheese form – feta, haloumi

45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more - thanx to all my clients
and my boss!
46. Fugu – Japanese pufferfish
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel - sushiiiii

49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - i think i've hadthis
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi – pickled Japanese ume fruit
53. Abalone
54. Paneer – Persian cheese
55. McDonald’s Bic Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle – German egg noodle or dumpling
57. Dirty Gin Martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine – chips with cheese and gravy
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin – it’s a rock???
64. Currywurst
65. Durian – that smelly fruit from Thailand
66. Frog’s legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake – some type of doughnut
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain – some sort of fruit from the Caribbean
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette – pig’s intestines
71. Gazpacho
72 Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost – Norwegian cheese
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum – thai soup
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky – chocolate on a stick

84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85.Kobe beef – from a special cow.....right??
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa – it’s a spice with rose petals in
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano – Mexican chilli chocolate sauce
96. Bagel and lox – bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee
100. Snake – should tast like crocodile

Gosh, I've eaten quite a lot of this stuff.....scary! Well my friend, this should keep you busy for a while:) Have a fab weekend!!!!



Monday, August 25, 2008

Dear slightly confused mind

I've been trying to sort this out for myself for days. But I've finally admitted defeat. It's just not possible for me to think this through logically....I'm not looking at it in an objective manner....or maybe I am, but I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not...oh dear, there i go again...*sigh*

Being a little bit of a control freak, I hate feeling uncertain or not knowing what is going on around me. I don't like feeling vulnerable and unsure of myself. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

But then there are times when feeling vulnerable, unsure and confused brings about feelings of excitement, anticipation and an eagerness to discover......all of which i do enjoy. I'm trying my best to balance them out at the moment, but I'm not being very successful:(

Feeling excited and vulnerable at the same time could mean one of two things. 1. It's a recipe for disaster or 2. It means something beautiful. Gosh i hate feeling like this, and at the same time, i don't...*sigh*

Good luck with trying to figure that one out!


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dear Readers

Sweets recently posted about party favourites. I realise that this is probably going to sound ever so slightly insane. But i've only recently discovered that something i am able to do is quite rare and very....well, weird.

The thing is i do this thing with my hand. If i make my fingers straight with the palm of my hand pointing downwards, my fingers all bend upward.....far upward. So what i decided to do, in order to set my mind at ease and find out if it is really so incredibly weird or not, is to post a picture of me straightening my fingers, and to ask your opinion.

Exhibit A:

Yes, my palm is pointing downward.

So tell this weird? Can you do it to?




Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dear George W

The purpose of my letter is not to be rude or insulting. And I'm certainly not writing it to question your sanity or intelligence, but I have to admit that I'm starting to wonder about you. OK, so I've been wondering about you for a very long time. But recent events have finally pushed me over the edge and I have to voice my opinion.

There is the day you said that Madiba died. The various speeches where you talk absolute nonsense, the fact that you were holding a book upside down while posing with school children, the time you held the binoculars the wrong way round trying to look at your troops, and don't even get me started on the whole war thing.

It's not that I have anything against the Americans. I mean seriously, my brother lives there now and my sister in law is a proper yank, but i love her and her family to bits. I have American family, American friends, and after my visit to the states 18 months ago I fell in love with the country. I just don't particularly like you...mostly because i think you're an idiot.

I'm sure you're dying to know which act of stupidity finally led me to write this letter. Well, please take a look at exhibit A:

Now, in case you still haven't noticed your problem, I'll direct your attention to the flag.

I think it is absolutely disgusting that a president can sit at an important event like the Olympic games, proudly displaying his country's flag the wrong way!!!!!

In my opinion you probably won't even understand half the words used in this letter, and you might have to get someone to translate it for you. Or maybe your just a great big klutz and because you're the president of a biiiiiiiiig country it's more publicised. The trick is to think before you speak and act. Trust me......if you have half a brain, that plan will work wonders for you.



P.S. This is a disclaimer. The information displayed here is merely an opinion about recent events and not facts. So if you don't like it, don't read it!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dear *insert name of academic institution here*

Thank you so much for your swift and enthusiastic reply. Your very personal and informative reply has once again cemented my belief that you are probably the best choice for my future endeavour.

I'm looking forward to starting on my Masters degree in Forensic auditing and accounting at your institution next year. Thank you so much for taking the time to include information about the different academics involved in the program as well as the sponsors available to me. I've always known that it is a very specialised field and that there are very few forensic auditors/accountants currently in the country, but i was surprised to discover that there is in fact a great shortage and that both the government and large financial and economic institutions are desperately seeking individuals interested in exploring this field.

I hope to hear from you soon so that we can finalise my registration for next year. I look forward to once again returning to your community, even if it is only as a part time student. You are after all my Alma Mater, the place where I obtained both my other degrees, and the place where I've picked up some of the most remarkable memories i will ever have.



Thursday, August 7, 2008

Dear Being Brazen

I refer to your post about people stealing your mug at work. At the time i knew there had to be a way of solving this problem without having to hire a private detective, killing anyone or disrupting your normal day to day routine too much.

Well sweety pie, I found it!!! It's called the anti-theft mug and personally i think it is fabulous. You will never again have to go off in search of your office mug, as other people won't be able to use it. Here is a picture of the mug i have in mind:

When you leave your mug you just take out the little plug "en siedaar", nobody can use your mug, which reduces the chances of it being stolen with almost 100%. Of course, you will always find people who would try and steal it anyway, simply because it's a novelty.

I sincerely hope this helps!!!



Monday, August 4, 2008

Dear Diary

Today I am fighting a losing battle with Insanity. He's been loitering around on the edges of reality all morning.....his dark presence has been floundering in the shadows there, trying his best to break down my defences. Insanity and cynicism......two entities I have no time for in my little sunshine world...but today their attacks have been unrelenting.

It all began about 2 weeks ago when an old family friend was admitted to the psychiatric ward in the nearest hospital. She is a wonderful person, but in recent weeks she's been acting a tad odd. So odd in fact, that her closest friends finally admitted her to the hospital against her will. We've all be worried sick, and nobody has been able to tell us exactly what's going on. My first thought was that perhaps she had developed a brain tumor, which often causes odd and neurotic behaviour as it puts increasing pressure on certain parts of the brain. But that fear was laid to rest early on.

Because she had pretty much become part of our family, her family was also part of our family. I've been friends with her nephew for over 16 years. We went from hating each other's guts, as ten year olds do, to being close friends...and in 16 years you get to know someone pretty well. He's like a second brother. When i had my accident he took 2 weeks off to come and stay with me at my folks. His sole purpose - to chase away even the slightest signs of boredom during my long period of being bedridden.

So last night at about 7 i decided to give him a ring to find out what exactly was wrong with his aunt. I realised that i would get the truest answer from him, as they would have been in contact with the psychiatrist and doctor treating her. As usual, I had impeccable timing. He was preparing to kill himself. What the hell is up with that????????

Of course he didn't say so immediately. The conversation didn't go:"Hey Ruby", "Ola Gimli!!! Whats up dude?". "Ag, not much hey, I'm just sitting here, trying to kill myself. So if you won't mind putting the phone down I'll just get on with it". Although, considering the odd evening i had, that probably wouldn't have surprised me! No,we chatted about a couple of mundane things, then he volunteered information about his aunt. She had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia . Apparently she's had it for years, but the chemical imbalance had been so minor, that even though she often had vivid dreams and visions, nobody ever worried about it. The doctor recons that something must have triggered an increase in the imbalance which caused her to become totally batty, to say the least. They gave her medicine, but she's discharged herself, and refuses to take the meds. This is a big problem.

My heart is truly breaking for her. But as i was talking to him, i realised that he was rumbling it off like a little robot, totally devoid of any emotion. Not good! So i tried to coax him into just unpacking his feeling on me. I don't mind, i listen, it's one of the things i do best. But today, there is a part of me that wishes i didn't have so much perception into the minds and souls of my friends. A sordid little tale unfolded last night. One of his best friends, also suffering from schizophrenia, has been arrested, along with her brother, for the murder of her parents. She didn't take her medicine. I remember reading about it, and thinking that the name seemed faintly familiar, but i never made the connection.

He was tired. The world had turned him into a cynic. Life just really sucked.....and i can't even blame him for thinking that way. He was simply tired of sitting on a roller coaster ride that he didn't enjoy, but constantly made him puke, a ride on which friends fell out of the carts and died. He wanted to get off. He has reached a point where he just refuses to continue playing the game.

So what exactly do you say to someone who is tired of living? I didn't say much...but i listened. Knowing him kept me from being my opinionated self. He didn't need advice, he didn't need me to try and stop him, he just needed me to listen, to understand, to just be there.

The conversation lasted 2 and a half hours. He finally said goodbye. I couldn't say much, i was trying my best not to become hysterical, not to cry, not to freak out completely. He left me with a promise not to kill himself just yet, to face up to life knowing that it is almost always unfair, to phone me in the morning, and a statement that chilled my heart. Coming from the man who has inspired me to grow so much closer to God, to grow in my relationship,this was scary. "I don't believe anymore. I control my destiny. I'll be my own God thank you very much." Wisely, i kept my mouth shut, this was something he had to sort out on his own......I can help him get through tough times, but i can't make his choices for him, and i can't force him to believe something. I just told him that i loved him, always have, always will, no matter what he believes.

As i put the phone down i received a text from Jack, wanting to know how I was. My indifference was immediately noticed. I spoke to him for quite some time on the phone....mostly crying. He gave me advice and understanding. And as usual i felt calmer after talking to him. I still find it amazing to see how incredibly close we are as friends despite the fact that we've both moved on.

So, this morning I've sms'd gimli a stupid "good morning" message, filled with bullet type questions, ensuring that he has to answer me. My motivation behind it.........i simply wanted to check if he was still alive. His reply to it was probably the best sms I've ever received..."what's so good about it". Not because of the words, but because of the message behind it. yeah yeah, I'm still alive. No worries.

To top it all off, my stalker, which had become ominously silent in recent weeks, decided to start torturing me again. I'm not quite sure i can cope with this right now.

OK, so I've read through my post and realised something. I'm OK. I think I'm a whole lot stronger than i realise. Yes OK, so i don't exactly feel like my normal little ray of sunshine...this is a weird and horrible experience for me. But it's not that bad. I'm not depressed, i haven't broken down and cried yet, I don't feel like chewing my wrists. I can still flash a brilliant and honest smile at a loved one. My friends bring out the best in me. I have friends that care. Am i allowed to worry? Of course! Am i gonna let this get to in to those two little bastards loitering around just outside my defences? No freakin way! My little world will always have some form of sunshine in I'm hoping i can share some of those rays with the people who need it. Wish me luck:)