Dear Ex-Gangsta

Please please please, for the sake of my sanity and mental well-being, never ever do that to me again OK? I have been worried sick for the last 20 hours. I haven't been able to sleep and i wasn't really in the mood to do much eating either.

Setting the fact that I was stood up aside, though goodness knows that would be enough to drive any woman crazy, the little bone i have to pick with you has more to do with your little disappearing act. But for the sake of being thorough, lets start near the beginning somewhere.

Your fascinating and unusual past and interesting current life situation snared me from the moment i laid my eyes on you. Now don't get me wrong. This little snaring action had nothing at all to do with romance, and everything to do with the fact that i love people, their habits, their histories and there general characters.

Despite your cold hearted, death metalish, gangsta man past, you have surprisingly soft eyes. And your chin, although set at a very determined angle, speaks of compasion and a love for everything around you. But before i become completely distracted, let me return to the purpose of this letter.

You've been nagging me for a coffee date for weeks. Sulkishly complaining that I haven't been able to fit you into my insane schedule. Then on Tuesday we finally managed to set a date that suited us both....the very next evening:-) After all the speeches i gave you about booking me in advance you managed to get a short notice appointment...nice!

When i tried to contact you yesterday to confirm details your phone just rang. I wasn't worried and left a voice message knowing that you'll return the call as soon as possible, as always. Except, you didn't call back. I sms'd you an hour before the scheduled time, but still no reply. And then, to my absolute horror, you didn't show up at the coffee bar.

I phoned, again! It rang for ages and finally went to voicemail. Problem was, i couldn't decide whether i was upset with you for "bumping" me or freaking out because "not showing up", not phoning and not returning messages is not your style. I packed up, went home and tried to remain calm.

But i'm a tad paranoid by nature, so my mind kept jumping to the worst conclusions ever. You were in an accident. You were hi-jacked. You were taken hostage in an armed robbery somewhere. You were lying in a ditch, riddled with bulletholes. And then the one thought which managed to send me over the edge just a little.......You're an ex-gangsta right? So what if some of your old buddies found you?

At about 10 i finally surrendered to the feelings of paranoia which had been nagging at the edge of my mind all day and i phoned your best friend. He didn't know where you were either...but he promised to try your home number as well as a couple of other places you might be...sweet sweet boy he is. I managed to calm myself down a little after that, but the frantic call I received 15minutes later threw me back into the pits of paranoia. He couldn't find you. Your home phone just rang, so did your cellphone, and nobody knew where on earth you could possibly be. Everybody was under the impression you were having coffee with me.

Needless to say I didn't sleep very well:-( I looked like crap this morning and couldn't pull off my normal trick of spending literally 30seconds on make-up. I had to do some damange control. I've been jumpy all morning, and everytime the phone rings i expect it to be someone telling me that you were dead, that i had to come see you in some obscure hospital, that your old buddies were demanding a ransom that we couldn't pay.

Then, when you finally did phone this afternoon i didn't know whether i wanted to hug you or slap you! You forgot your phone in a friends car...so you couldn't phone, and you spent the whole night in a hospital with a friend who had a car accident last night....so you didn't pitch. I'm still not quite sure whether i'm upset or just relieved that you are OK.

I have to give you credit for the way you apologized and for the big bunch of flowers you promised. But please dude, don't ever do this to me again OK? The last 20 hours have been sheer hell for this here little girl. You see, i'm one of those people who have to fuss over other people. I worry about them all the time and do nice things for them because i like to make people feel special. So do you understand how your little disappearing act sent me into "freak out" mode?

Anyway, firstly...apology accepted. Even if i didn't feel like forgiving you(which i do) i'd seem like an utter biatch if i didn't....you were at a hospital with a friend after all. Secondly, yes, i suppose i could reschedule and go out for coffee with you....but just remember that a woman's memory is like an elephant. We never forget. So the fact that you stood me up, noble and heroic as your reason might have been, will unfortunately haunt you forever. You're gonna have to work really hard to get my mind past that one:) See you tonight!

Hugs

Ruby

P.S. I hope your friend is OK?