Thursday, January 31, 2008

Dear Ex-Gangsta

Please please please, for the sake of my sanity and mental well-being, never ever do that to me again OK? I have been worried sick for the last 20 hours. I haven't been able to sleep and i wasn't really in the mood to do much eating either.

Setting the fact that I was stood up aside, though goodness knows that would be enough to drive any woman crazy, the little bone i have to pick with you has more to do with your little disappearing act. But for the sake of being thorough, lets start near the beginning somewhere.

Your fascinating and unusual past and interesting current life situation snared me from the moment i laid my eyes on you. Now don't get me wrong. This little snaring action had nothing at all to do with romance, and everything to do with the fact that i love people, their habits, their histories and there general characters.

Despite your cold hearted, death metalish, gangsta man past, you have surprisingly soft eyes. And your chin, although set at a very determined angle, speaks of compasion and a love for everything around you. But before i become completely distracted, let me return to the purpose of this letter.

You've been nagging me for a coffee date for weeks. Sulkishly complaining that I haven't been able to fit you into my insane schedule. Then on Tuesday we finally managed to set a date that suited us both....the very next evening:-) After all the speeches i gave you about booking me in advance you managed to get a short notice appointment...nice!

When i tried to contact you yesterday to confirm details your phone just rang. I wasn't worried and left a voice message knowing that you'll return the call as soon as possible, as always. Except, you didn't call back. I sms'd you an hour before the scheduled time, but still no reply. And then, to my absolute horror, you didn't show up at the coffee bar.

I phoned, again! It rang for ages and finally went to voicemail. Problem was, i couldn't decide whether i was upset with you for "bumping" me or freaking out because "not showing up", not phoning and not returning messages is not your style. I packed up, went home and tried to remain calm.

But i'm a tad paranoid by nature, so my mind kept jumping to the worst conclusions ever. You were in an accident. You were hi-jacked. You were taken hostage in an armed robbery somewhere. You were lying in a ditch, riddled with bulletholes. And then the one thought which managed to send me over the edge just a little.......You're an ex-gangsta right? So what if some of your old buddies found you?

At about 10 i finally surrendered to the feelings of paranoia which had been nagging at the edge of my mind all day and i phoned your best friend. He didn't know where you were either...but he promised to try your home number as well as a couple of other places you might be...sweet sweet boy he is. I managed to calm myself down a little after that, but the frantic call I received 15minutes later threw me back into the pits of paranoia. He couldn't find you. Your home phone just rang, so did your cellphone, and nobody knew where on earth you could possibly be. Everybody was under the impression you were having coffee with me.

Needless to say I didn't sleep very well:-( I looked like crap this morning and couldn't pull off my normal trick of spending literally 30seconds on make-up. I had to do some damange control. I've been jumpy all morning, and everytime the phone rings i expect it to be someone telling me that you were dead, that i had to come see you in some obscure hospital, that your old buddies were demanding a ransom that we couldn't pay.

Then, when you finally did phone this afternoon i didn't know whether i wanted to hug you or slap you! You forgot your phone in a friends car...so you couldn't phone, and you spent the whole night in a hospital with a friend who had a car accident last night....so you didn't pitch. I'm still not quite sure whether i'm upset or just relieved that you are OK.

I have to give you credit for the way you apologized and for the big bunch of flowers you promised. But please dude, don't ever do this to me again OK? The last 20 hours have been sheer hell for this here little girl. You see, i'm one of those people who have to fuss over other people. I worry about them all the time and do nice things for them because i like to make people feel special. So do you understand how your little disappearing act sent me into "freak out" mode?

Anyway, firstly...apology accepted. Even if i didn't feel like forgiving you(which i do) i'd seem like an utter biatch if i didn't....you were at a hospital with a friend after all. Secondly, yes, i suppose i could reschedule and go out for coffee with you....but just remember that a woman's memory is like an elephant. We never forget. So the fact that you stood me up, noble and heroic as your reason might have been, will unfortunately haunt you forever. You're gonna have to work really hard to get my mind past that one:) See you tonight!

Hugs

Ruby

P.S. I hope your friend is OK?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Dear DJ

Pretty soon you'll be getting married, and I realise that the day that happens all ties between us will finally be severed. Well, I suppose not all ties. We'll still be friends, but the special bond we shared will be history forever.

The point of no return with regards to the end of our relationship was passed the day I had to find out from my best friend that you were engaged. Engaged????? I was completely freaked out by it. I wasn't even aware that you guys were back together....we were out just a couple of nights before.....we had unfinished business....we had unfinished affairs and we had an unfinished story.

I guess we'll never have the time to complete that story now. So I'll write the letter to replace the happy ending which should have been.

I think I've mentioned before that I have not been in love very many times in my life. You my dear, were one of the few. I will never ever forget the night we met and the absolute confusion in my mind as to why for the first time in my life I was at a loss for words(this does not happen very often) and my state of complete witlessness was disturbing to say the least.

Your devotion and love caught me completely off guard and for the first time in a very long time I was completely and utterly whipped. I even tuned to your station to listen to you do the breakfast show. A really really big thing, since i professed my hate of your employer the day I met you, and I vowed to never listen to it...not even for you.

You made me laugh, love, cry, hope, happy and sad all at the same time. You scared me, but also made me feel safe and cherished. You shared my love of music, poetry and writing, and you promised me a story.....our story.

My parents were elated when they found out who the mysterious young stranger of my dreams were, and you were accepted into the family in an instant. Friends were amazed at how dependant i became of your presence and your approval....me, the little miss know it all who can do anything on her own.

My future looked rosy and the life we were planning seemed perfect. But the stress and the toll of our busy lives eventually removed the rosy sunglasses of love from our eyes and we started seeing each other for who we really were. Even so we were perfect together and we braved the unbreachable gaps between our schedules and our lifestyles.

Spending time together became difficult and rare as you were working during early morning and were off during most of the day and couldn't stay out too late, while i worked during the day and could only party at night. We finally decided that for the time being we had to call it quits....in the romance department anyway. Quality time had become almost impossible as we both climbed the ladder of success in our careers. We were lovers no longer, but friends with a special bond....who sometime forgot that they were supposed to be only friends.

Then suddenly my little world was shattered. You were engaged and our story was over, before it could even make a proper start. I think the thing that hit me hardest was the fact that your fiance was your ex-girlfriend. The bloody nympho! The one who cheated on you repeatedly in the most awful way.

You say she has changed...but i know better. I see the way she looks at every single male in the room, I see the way she seeks a way to sneak away whenever your head is turned.....i see her treacherous nature, and there is nothing i can do.

For your sake, i sincerely hope that she has changed. For the first time in my life, I pray that I will be proven wrong. You're a decent guy, and you deserve the best. My wish for you is happiness and love. And should she not have changed, for your sake i pray that you will remain blind to this fact and that you will be happy.

A little piece of my heart will always belong to you. But this is the end of our story. Not a love story as was planned but a story of friendship, of love, of life, of tragedy and of bittersweet goodbyes.

I will forever cherish the moments we shared, and the memories we built. You showed me so many different sides of myself, and taught me just how strong and how weak I can be. You built me up after another had completely ripped me to shreds and for this i will forever be indebted to you. I hope that we shall remain friends forever on this journey. And though it may be the end of one story, I pray that it will be the beginning of another.

Love

Your Ruby

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dear SAPS

Admittedly, usually a letter from me to you would have fallen somewhere between hate-mail or complaints. But today I have a whole different matter resting heavily on my heart. I want to thank you.

OK, you can stop laughing now and sit back down, I'm serious about this one. I would really like to thank you. I realise that even though most of you guys waste your time at work on all kinds of mundane things you probably haven't stumbled across my little collection of letters yet.....so I'll give you an update.

On Wednesday i wrote a letter to a guy that has been stalking me. Not bothering me a little or appearing to be a little more interested in me than most other guys.....full on stalking. I was like a scared little mouse. After sitting around for a while, feeling like the proverbial sitting duck, I managed to work up some courage and became outraged. I refused to be the victim and took action.

First course of action:
Contacted his boss, spilled the beans, found out that I'm not the first and managed to get his ass fired.

I wasn't too thrilled at the idea of him being fired. I know this sounds really silly, but just try and put yourself in my position. He's already stalking me.....he's probably contemplating and planing my abduction and subsequent murder.....and now he has even more reason to hate me......GREAT!

Second course of action:
I finally mustered the courage to give you guys a ring. I didn't want to initially. I was afraid that i would be laughed at, ridiculed, accused of seeking attention and most of all that nothing will be done about it.

I was pleasantly surprised by the service i received. The officer i spoke to treated me with so much respect and made me feel like the most important person on earth. He didn't laugh, he didn't ridicule and he was outraged. Bless his little cotton socks!

Thanx to yours truly and the ever so sweet police officer, dear Mr Honda guy has been arrested. Apparently the cops have been looking for him for a while. *skipping and jumping around office in little victory dance*

So, this is just a little thank you note. Thank you for treating me with respect, for not making me feel like a paranoid little bitch and last but definitely not least for catching the moron who has been making my life a living hell.

Regards

Ruby

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dear Honda Biker guy

I am quite disturbed to find myself in a position where it is necessary to write a letter like this. But I can not keep quiet any longer. I am beginning to realise that I am not just being paranoid but that you are indeed stalking me. One word: STOP!

I have to admit that initially i was a tad flattered. Please note...a TAD! My friend and I were shopping around for a bike, for him. He let me tag along as I have a motorbike fetish, plus I'd be able to give him an objective, purely female view on how the bike looked, and how he looked on the bike. Visiting all the different bike shops was fun, and by the time we got to your dealership i was in a happy and carefree mood.

I suppose you guys must have found it quite entertaining and surprising to see a smashing young lady in her power suit, stiletto shoes and perfect hairdo jumping on every single bike you own, including the quads! Your initial interest was sweet and flattering, and had i known what it would result in I would have been a super biatch right from the start. But since i tend to see the best in people and situations, and i didn't expect to be rewarded for my niceness quite like this, i smiled and chatted like normal.

It started out innocent enough, but then you managed to get our company's telephone number from my friends finance application. The first call was odd, but not entirely freaky. You invited me to go on a breakfast run the following Saturday. A part of me was dying to go as i knew exactly which bike we would be allowed to take, but my rational and uber logical mind stayed in control and I graciously refused.

Unfortunately my obvious signs of disinterest and eventual disgust did not register. You kept on phoning....more than once a day. Then the other day you suddenly started calling me on my cellphone. I would just love to know how the hell you got my number!! cause my friend sure as hell didn't give it to you. This problem was solved easily enough by just barring your number. But today took the cake!

You know in which area I live!!!!! and since it's no where near my place of work, the only explanation is that you followed me. You followed me??? WTF?????? who gave you the right?? *trying really hard not to admit how downright scared and freaked out I am*

Dude, seriously....this has got to stop. I swear, the next time you phone or the next time i even suspect that you might be following me..I'll set the police on your ass! I said it to you over the phone and now I'm putting it in writing, trust me....i have the cops on speed dial. Just back off!!!

Regards

Ruby

Monday, January 21, 2008

Dear Thieving artist

This is quite a difficult letter to write. Not because I don't have much to say or because bad things happened, but simply because this means that I have to be all mushy and self investigative and stuff. What brought this on you might ask? Well, you know my heart better than most, you've managed to make me realise it's OK to be a little dependant on someone and you phoned me over the weekend and made me think a little.

If I had to add all the times I've really been "IN LOVE" together, I won't even need to use all five my fingers on the one hand. I've really LIKED a lot of guys, but very seldom have I fallen in love. There was the "The guy who made me the other woman", the DJ, the guy with the smile.....and You.

You, the surfer/artist/poet with the ice blue eyes, bleached blond hair, keen gaze, artist hands, unmeasurable deepness and highly intellectual mind. You became a thief in a second and you've somehow managed to return only some of the treasure you stole.

You met me when I was at my worst! It was about 3 weeks after my accident. I was bedridden, a little depressed, bored out of my mind and seriously dishevelled. I had to rely on other people to at least try and to something with my hear, i was wearing "leisure clothes" which mainly meant stuff i could fit over all the casts, boots and guards i was wearing. I looked quite dreadful actually. But you pitched up at my folks' house with one of my lifelong friends. You had joined him in the beautiful little country town for the weekend and was dutifully visiting his porcelain doll friend(they way he keeps referring to me).

In that second you walked in my door something just....well, clicked, i guess. I spent more time talking to you that weekend than i spent talking to me friend(bad friends we are). But you had to go back and that was that. We spoke over the phone every now and again, but we were simply friends checking up on one another.

Then, last year it happened. We went camping together and the thing we had been ignoring for so looooong suddenly reared it's head again. And we were only to happy to oblige. Friends we were no longer......we weren't in a relationship..we were just having fun. Or so we thought. Then you phoned a couple of weeks later. Shouldn't we try this long distance thing? We could fly across once a month..it wouldn't be so bad.....and like a fool i believed you and said yes.

But i soon realised I'm not my brother. How on earth he managed to date and engage over two continents i could never understand. The 700km's just wasn't working for me and I called it off. In the nicest way possible. Some called me a fool, and others applauded me for my honestly so early in a relationship. The truth of the matter is.........I love attention. And I couldn't stand not having my guy withing a reasonable distance. I don't need to see you everyday..but i wanna know that if i needed to see you...well, i could!

Now we are back to just being really good friends. I speak to you on a twice weekly basis. We share everything. But this weekend was different. You didn't have all that much to say. You simply wanted me to move to where you are. You are miserable without me....you missed me.

I have to admit that for a short while I did consider the possibility of moving. But I'm at a stage in my life where I've discovered who I really am...and I love that person. I love my job, my friends, my little house and my life here. And i realise that one day when i meet the right person or when I'm ready to settle down that I'll have to give some of that up, or at least compromise. But I'm not ready to settle down yet. And I'm not ready to give all of that up yet.

I don't want my future husband to expect me to give everything up....but i sure as hell wanna feel as if I would gladly give it up should it be needed. And to be quite honest......I'm not there yet.

I don't regret telling you that I couldn't. I don't regret telling you that I can't do this long distance thing. I know myself too well. And maybe I am full of crap when it comes to guys, and maybe I did pass up on the best thing that's ever happened to me. But sitting here this morning I realised that I made the best decision i possibly could. I'm not ready for this yet.

I don't know if the two of us will ever be together, or if we're even meant to be. But I do know this much. You will always hold a little piece of my heart firmly in your hands. That doesn't mean that I won't fall in love with someone else and give them all my love and devotion. It simply means that because you were one of the very few people who actually got to see my heart you will always have a special place.

Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from on this. I know it's hard, and disappointing and it hurts. But thank you for not telling me to bugger off. For promising to be my friend and at least understanding with your head, even if you have trouble understanding with your heart.

Love

Your Ruby

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dear Mr PS

Today, as I sit in front of my little laptop tapping away, my heart is surprisingly heavy. There is a strange sort of hush around the office which, for once, has nothing to do with load shedding.

The news reached us yesterday. But at the time I just didn't feel up to writing/talking/thinking about it......i guess it had to sink in first. My boss asked me to come to his office, and I just knew something was completely wrong. His whole being was screaming it at me. You, my dear Mister PS had died.

In the past three years I have gotten to know you quite well. You were a merry old fellow, full of mischief, a lust for life, love of languages and people and plenty of time to make sure the people around you were happy. I met you as a little first year clerk, completely freaked out by the new world she was being subjected to, but you soon set my heart and head at ease.

The really sad thing is that you were the last person we were expecting this from. Apparently you fell and cut your foot, nothing serious right? wrong! The cut picked up a new version of bacterial infection, something called a super bug. Shortly after your minor fall you were admitted to hospital and placed on about 32 different antibiotics.........no success, as the super bug outlives them all.

A mere 3 weeks after your fall, you finally waved us all goodbye. Your death certificate says "Heart attack", but the truth of the matter is that you body just couldn't fight it anymore. It didn't have the power any more and simply gave up.

You have been one of my favourite clients and next time I show my little face at your company there will be an empty space in the office once filled with WW2 planes and family pictures. I hope that you rest in peace and that your family will be comforted in time.

It just goes to show. No matter how we live our lives, whether we are super healthy, super fit, obese, unhappy, fulfilled, loved or unloved.......when your time's up, your time's up. There are no second chances, no time for regrets and no looking back. I sincerely hope that you leave this earth without any regrets.

Life here at the office will go on. But you can be sure that your abundant phone calls and visits will be sorely missed by us all.

Regards

Ruby

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Dear friend

I did not think your little e-mail stunt this morning was very funny! It was scary and and could have been damn near fatal. I'm still recovering from the hyperventilation and the sudden panic attack. To say i was hysterical would have been an understatement.

You and I have established the fact that I am literally scared to death of anything with eight legs.........spiders! Therefore by supplying me with EXHIBIT A caused a slight bit of havoc in my office to say the least.

My usual rational self has become wrought with paranoia and unusually suspicious behaviour.

I would appreciate it if you would in future refrain from including me in such acts of total violence on arachnaphobes.

Yours in sincere panic

Ruby


P.S. EXHIBIT A