Guy who made me the other woman

I hope this letter finds you well, still married and not cheating on your wife. You are probably very surprised to receive this letter, but my guess is the stress as to what I'm planning to do with what I know, how that affects your life, and how much money I'm asking to keep my mouth shut is overpowering the feelings of bittersweet love and pleasant surprise. Relax dude, I'm not here to blackmail you for cheating, nor am I here to demand attention. This letter is simply something I had to do, OK?

Yesterday I wrote a letter to my 13 year old self. Now granted, in a normal world that would be very odd, but being me this is nothing new or odd or sinister. You are a part of my life that I have sort of put away from my mind for a long time. But yesterday as I was writing this letter you popped up and I warned my younger self against you. And now I can't help thinking and mulling.

I had always promised myself that I will never ever be the other woman. I can't stand the fact that people can have a relationship with a guy/girl knowing that at the end of the day that guy goes back to someone else. And then one day, unknowingly, I became exactly that. For 9 whole months you kept the facade going, and despite the fact that I've been trying to convince myself you are a horrible person and that was a terrible time in my life, I have to admit that it was an awesome 9 months. I never knew about the lovely sweet girl back home. The one you spoke to on the phone once a day, visited for a weekend once a month, and proposed to on the night you broke up with me.

You didn't even have the guts to face me! you broke up with me over the phone....my guess is this was right before you asked her to marry you. Ass! Then you refuse to answer the one and only call I made to you to try and sort our relationship out. I found out from a friend who came from your home town that you were engaged..you guys have been seeing each other for over 3 years. I won't deny the fact that for a brief couple of days my bubbly spirit was crushed and I had to face facts......I was the other woman.

I spent a lot of time feeling guilty and blaming myself for this, but finally i realised that this was not my fault. I do not have to feel bad, I didn't do anything wrong. I was not at fault....you were! you started courting me, knowing my views, pretending to agree with me, and knowing that another girl was waiting for you at home. I refused to feel bad...and I returned to living my life.

For a while I considered contacting the poor naive girl and informing her of your betrayal. Wanting you to suffer her rejection to pay for what you've done. Not wanting her to have to discover how treacherous the groom to be is after it was too late. I finally decided against it......maybe you have changed(i doubt it) or maybe her whole life would be shattered by the news. The truth is...i didn't want to face her wrath, plus, you're such a bloody charmer, you probably would have convinced her I'm a stalker or something.

I have changed my views about not being the other woman ever so slightly, and it now goes like this.......I will never knowingly be the other woman. I can't change what i don't know about, I'm not 100% perfect, I make mistakes, but I can sure try to make the little bit around me as close to perfect as it can be.

You're probably still sitting there wondering what I want. Well, I really don't want anything. This is my way of letting go of something that has bothered me for the last 3 years. I forgive you dude. By forgiving you I'm letting go and giving myself freedom from the past. And I hope that somewhere along the line when you realise what you've done you have the courage to forgive yourself.

Regards

Ruby